tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84108238738072015942024-02-20T15:55:31.041-05:00Cart Life.Zero Iscariothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07194694045634573076noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8410823873807201594.post-45295441109481944902007-07-26T15:26:00.002-05:002009-06-01T12:01:14.845-05:00harry potter & the stupid fucking cart<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RqkEcPsCxOI/AAAAAAAAACE/iOaFZASFDGM/s1600-h/pottercart.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RqkEcPsCxOI/AAAAAAAAACE/iOaFZASFDGM/s400/pottercart.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5091605737013167330" border="0" /></a><br /><br />I'm lazy and topical. Cart Life video coming soon, if I can manage to get my shit together.Zero Iscariothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07194694045634573076noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8410823873807201594.post-23575760295783060892007-06-19T01:53:00.000-05:002007-06-19T03:11:06.258-05:00ask me about tobacco<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RneH73DbKFI/AAAAAAAAAB8/swG3KQB94jw/s1600-h/IMG_0005.JPG"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RneH73DbKFI/AAAAAAAAAB8/swG3KQB94jw/s400/IMG_0005.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5077676567343867986" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Caught this downtown today, looks to be an off-the-rack <a href="http://www.hmemobility.com/product/scooter/website/move_fortress1700.html">Fortress-1700</a> equipped with a modified baby stroller and some sweet <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RneH73DbKFI/AAAAAAAAAB8/swG3KQB94jw/s1600-h/IMG_0005.JPG">vanity plates</a>. I would think the <span style="font-style: italic;">Exclusive Duro-Torque Drive System</span> comes in handy when lugging around a toddler and all the shitty Indian smokes you flip each month with Junior's baby bonus cheque.<br /><br />"Ask me about tobacco?" I was thinking more along the lines of "Ask me how the hell anyone is gonna fuck with this guy in the Cart Life Tractor Pull?"<br /><br />Wait, there's going to be a scooter tractor pull?<br />There is now.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span>Zero Iscariothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07194694045634573076noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8410823873807201594.post-40835520198196804352007-06-13T22:54:00.002-05:002010-06-12T21:35:41.245-05:00six degrees of kevin bacon double cheeseburger<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RnDuHHDbKDI/AAAAAAAAABs/OpTWfya2sWY/s1600-h/fattieseating.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RnDuHHDbKDI/AAAAAAAAABs/OpTWfya2sWY/s400/fattieseating.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5075818585966454834" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Every day I try to learn something new, be it educational or otherwise. Not today. You see, there's this bitch that has a web journal, and unfortunately I found it. I'll get to that in a minute.<br /><br />If you're new, this is a blog detailing my pathetic efforts to infiltrate my local carting community, figure out what their deal is, and maybe stir up some shit along the way. This cart blog is serious business and as such, I feel it is vital to stay focused on the topic at hand, personal mobility. Now this bitch I mentioned, she has a great story that I wanted to share with you, but felt it strayed too far off course; eyes on the prize and whatnot.<br /><br />So to make a long story short, I'll break it down for ya:<br /><br />-there's <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1106/546341685_1cb76438d7_o.jpg">this bitch</a>.<br />-this bitch has a <a href="http://www.fatfantasy.net/prev/index.html">fat-fetish website</a>, does fat bitch porn, and is generally a fat bitch.<br />-this fat bitch <a href="http://www.fatfantasy.net/journal.html">has an online journal</a> detailing her daily fat-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">bitchery</span>, kinda like this site, but with grade 3 language skills and more fat housewife pictures than I could ever bleach my mind of. <a href="http://www.fatfantasy.net/prev/hottie.jpg">Or yours</a>. Still, there are some gems in there that I felt you, the loyal cart-lifer, should share in.<br /><br />"How am I to tell this lady's epic story and keep it relevant?", I asked myself. I had to make <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Six_Degrees_of_Kevin_Bacon">a six degrees</a> connection between her story and my story. Luckily, the personal mobility gods were smiling upon me. Turns out this bitch rides cart.<br /><br />While checking out the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Oxycotin</span> smeared memoirs and poorly shot photos of unimaginably disgusting women, it didn't take me long to figure out that this fat bitch isn't doing very well in the "being alive" department, and probably was doing this fatty porn to buy a cart. Sure enough, after a little more reading, I find a post about the day she finally got her personal mobility scooter.<br />Enough with the chit-chat, here's some of my favourite quotes from this fat bitch's blog, unabridged. She calls herself Lexi (rhymes with gross fucking cellulite covered grimace monster).<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">12/30/2001- "I think we invented a few new ways to fuck a Super Size Goddess like me. When he put his knee under my belly I could hear him moan cause it caused</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:monospace;" > </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">a major fat ripple down my body."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">1/30/2001- "In honour of my special day first a very nice handsome man that frequents our parties bought us <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">chinese</span> food for lunch. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Yummmmmm</span>! That was the start. Tonight we are doing our first live orgy video. YES we are having fun here tonight!"</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">2/18/2001- "Sorry for the silence today. My daughter was in a really bad car wreck. She was hit by a drunk and drugged up driver with no license. He left the scene of the accident after."</span><br /><p style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="font-size:100%;">02/22/2001- "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Hmm</span> I bet you'd like to know how many mouths went around <a href="http://www.fatfantasy.net/prev/pizza.jpg">this 20-incher.</a> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5"></span> It was fun!!!!!!"</span></p><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">3/01/2001- "Announcing the guess the Pussy contest.</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:monospace;" > </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">Winner will get a free video. First correct answer wins so get</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-family:monospace;" > </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">your answers in. Here is the </span><a style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(153, 0, 0);" href="http://www.fatfantasy.net/prev/pussy.jpg">pussy</a><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"> </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">to look at."</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">3/31/2001- "</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" > As most of you know I have been <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">homebound</span> for 7 years with no way to get around out in the world. </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" >Looks like my luck is changing.</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" >"<br /><br />4/01/2001- "</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" >A lot of you have been emailing me asking about my health since you have been watching me sleep a lot on the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">webcam</span>. Sorry I have not been more active on there. I was taking some pain <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">meds</span> for a few days."<br /><br />4/02/2001- "</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" >Well as it turns out my arm is fractured. I woke up in severe pain today and they realized there was something wrong. So its awfully fun trying not to use my arm to do things LOL."<br /><br />5/31/2001- "</span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" >Nothing much happened today. We were all kinda lazy. Especially my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">roomate</span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">Blonde</span> Mirage. I think she stayed up too long LOL."<br /><br />6/10/2001- "</span><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;">Gosh I am lazy today. I have had 4 cups of coffee and still cant wake up. Might HAVE to give in and sleep today LOL."<br /><br />6/13/2001- "</span></span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" >I think I slept through yesterday. Couldnt seem to stay awake for more then an hour. I think depression is setting in. Anyone want to chat on the phone? Call me if you do. Email me first and ill give you my number."</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />6/21/2001- "</span><span style="font-style: italic;">One of our sexy models we just discovered is in trouble and needs a roommate/caretaker. Due to recent happening in her life she's temporarily immobile and in need of care."<br /><br />7/08/2001- "</span><span style="font-style: italic;">The last 4 years my birthday was awful. In fact last year was the worst ever so it won't take much to improve on it.<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">LOL</span>"<br /><br />7/23/2001- "</span><span style="font-style: italic;">Must be a full moon or something today.It has been a very strange day. My friends are acting very strange and very <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Horny</span>! They all can't wait for the party. Sex is in the air <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">LOL</span>."<br /><br />8/04/2001- "</span><span style="font-style: italic;">Well I almost have my scooter. About 2 more weeks and I get to hit the streets after 7 long years in this house. Everyone keeps asking what is the first thing I want to do LOL."<br /><br />9/11/2001- "</span><span style="font-style: italic;">Well the day has finally come I have my</span><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><span style="font-style: italic;"> </span></span><a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://www.fatfantasy.net/prev/scooter.jpg">scooter</a><span style="font-style: italic;">. I am now mobile. Watch out here I come. I am also making a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">suprise</span> visit to someone who does not yet realize I am coming. Boy are they going to be shocked to see me roll into where they are <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">LOL</span>."<br /><br />9/14/2001- "</span></span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);font-size:100%;" >If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat."</span><br /><br /><br />So that's it, the 650 pound porn bitch gets a scooter and goes outside for the first time in seven years on September 11, 2001. 9-fucking-11.<br /><br />Maybe there is a moral to this story, but fucked if I know. At least it had carts.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"></span></span></span>Zero Iscariothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07194694045634573076noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8410823873807201594.post-22345578549170242392007-06-07T13:09:00.000-05:002007-06-07T16:42:49.999-05:00the passion of the cart<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RmhOonDbKCI/AAAAAAAAABk/CUb-5wy1Qig/s1600-h/jewsouthpark.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RmhOonDbKCI/AAAAAAAAABk/CUb-5wy1Qig/s400/jewsouthpark.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073391439817943074" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Ya, I know. Cripples, gays, now <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">jews</span>, very classy. I just don't care because today I present to you the ultimate in sacrilegious personal mobility, the <a href="http://ww2.scooterlink.com/index.cfm/method/product.details/id/848855E9-3048-2AB2-240630BB6D09A066/evrider-sportster-se-dual-scooter.htm">EV Rider <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Sportster</span> SE Dual Passenger!</a><br /><br />A two-seater cart you say? Well, not just any <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1098/535002135_4f277bf951_o.jpg">double wide</a>. This is, in fact, the first cart certified by the <span class="prodFeatureText"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Tzomet</span> Institute as <span style="font-style: italic;">"</span></span><span style="font-style: italic;" class="prodFeatureText"> the only electronically driven mobility product permitted to be used on <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Shabbat</span> and Holidays." </span><span class="prodFeatureText"><br /><br />Let that sink in for a moment. Religious beliefs used as a selling point for a device that encourages a deadly sin, sloth (and most likely gluttony).<br /><br />Now I ask you, what would the <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1087/535002151_9e0db2003a_o.jpg">road warrior</a> do, <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1333/535002141_da1a04054f_o.jpg">Kyle</a>?<br /><br />FUN FACT: The <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Tzomet</span> Institute is </span><span name="intelliTxt" id="intelliTXT"><span class="lead"> a research group that finds technology-based loopholes in Jewish law to circumvent </span></span><span name="intelliTxt" id="intelliTXT"><span class="lead"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">halachic</span> permissibility. Their accolades include a kosher cell phone, a kosher <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1415/535007987_fadad7825e_o.jpg">computer mouse</a>, and even a kosher pen with ink that becomes illegible with time making it a </span></span><span name="intelliTxt" id="intelliTXT"><span class="lead"> less severe transgression on sabbatical holidays. <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1012/535010267_9a2f4ac607_o.jpg">The more you know!</a><br /></span></span>Zero Iscariothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07194694045634573076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8410823873807201594.post-77743281070180911342007-06-06T03:03:00.000-05:002007-06-08T02:24:08.750-05:00message in a bottle<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RmexsHDbJ9I/AAAAAAAAAA8/XRxrg-cOAQI/s1600-h/futurescooter1.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RmexsHDbJ9I/AAAAAAAAAA8/XRxrg-cOAQI/s400/futurescooter1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073218876621924306" border="0" /></a><br /><br />In the not too distant future every last cocksucker is gonna be rolling around on a personal mobility scooter. That is a fact. Not much I can do about it. Just continue to preach the prophetic truth...<br /><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/Rme3b3DbKAI/AAAAAAAAABU/5u0Tfx87yes/s1600-h/futurescooter3.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 151px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/Rme3b3DbKAI/AAAAAAAAABU/5u0Tfx87yes/s200/futurescooter3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073225194518816770" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/Rme3bnDbJ-I/AAAAAAAAABE/WwT8i0PDSKA/s1600-h/futurescooter.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 151px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/Rme3bnDbJ-I/AAAAAAAAABE/WwT8i0PDSKA/s200/futurescooter.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073225190223849442" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/Rme3b3DbJ_I/AAAAAAAAABM/oX02WWd9wQE/s1600-h/futurescooter2.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 151px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/Rme3b3DbJ_I/AAAAAAAAABM/oX02WWd9wQE/s200/futurescooter2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073225194518816754" border="0" /></a><br /></div><br />Designing a space scooter must be a lot like when they try to make <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1111/534384665_cfa7bf72a5_o.jpg">gay</a><a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1386/534372645_8a35a42597_o.jpg"> people</a> on TV seem <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1194/534284908_35ff20e377_o.jpg">hip</a> and <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1026/534287784_c347591c20_o.jpg">normal</a><a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1379/534384667_93dcfe956f_o.jpg"></a>.Zero Iscariothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07194694045634573076noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8410823873807201594.post-18723198113053287522007-06-05T14:25:00.000-05:002007-06-07T14:33:07.413-05:00a racer`s heart<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RmcW1HDbJ8I/AAAAAAAAAA0/7LZiG6dLVMY/s1600-h/Extra+Wheels.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RmcW1HDbJ8I/AAAAAAAAAA0/7LZiG6dLVMY/s400/Extra+Wheels.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5073048606938441666" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />Sure, not every carter is a <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1261/533649331_54dca6c490_o.jpg">scumbag</a>, but most are. This is Ed. I don`t know if he is a scumbag, <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1170/533649339_06e46d1e4f_o.jpg">if he truely needs a PMS</a>, etc. I don`t even know if Ed is his actual name yet. You see, I`ve been <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1302/533649349_98882628a8_o.jpg">apprehensive</a> about approaching these folk so far. I need to do a little more <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1277/533557816_aeb4d4302b_o.jpg">investigative research</a> into their kind to get a feel for what makes PMS riderz tick. <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1094/533557820_71d90f3187_o.jpg">All in good time</a>.<br /><br />What I do know is that Ed has a <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1358/533560836_e366a5e5cd_o.jpg">racer`s heart</a>. He has 2 extra tires, racing decals and some bad-ass skull, gun, and cobra stickers on his PMS.<br /><br />And that, my friends, easily makes him the early front-runner in the PMS Cart Racing Gran Prix. <br /><br />Now we`ll have to wait and see if he is ready to <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1415/533565604_d841169b50_o.jpg">take it to the next level</a>. I`ll be tracking him down shortly to see if I can get a Cart Life exclusive, <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1434/533671075_03fb34856b_o.jpg">shouldn`t be too much trouble</a>.Zero Iscariothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07194694045634573076noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8410823873807201594.post-48833129114466641282007-06-04T00:35:00.000-05:002007-06-14T16:18:33.133-05:00the calm before the shitstorm<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RmZOSXDbJ7I/AAAAAAAAAAs/PxP_XQH2R50/s1600-h/Scooters+027.JPG"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RmZOSXDbJ7I/AAAAAAAAAAs/PxP_XQH2R50/s400/Scooters+027.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5072828107612432306" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />I need to clear up a few things before we get motoring.<br /><br />I don't think it's awesome to take pictures of <a href="http://www.eatmybomb.com/wp-content/retarded.jpg">retards</a>, <a href="http://www.celebrity-pics.net/dp/files/2-19.jpg">invalids</a>, or <a href="http://www.ccmep.org/usbombingwatch/amputee.jpg">amputees</a> and post them on the internet. I find pictures of <a href="http://weblog.infoworld.com/techwatch/archives/carrot_top3.jpg">retarded people</a> amusing, but they aren't really fair game.<br /><br />I do believe, however, that if you have the gull to either:<br /><br />a) let yourself get so <a href="http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y162/mountie_007/FatWomenTryingtogetpantson.jpg">morbidly obese</a> that you need <a href="http://www.linternaute.com/hightech/diaporamas/060502-gadgets/images/6.jpg">a machine to physically transport you to your next location</a> or<br /><br />b) screw taxpayers out of around <a href="http://www.scootercity.ca/cgi-bin/scootercity/pr-wrangler.html?id=M22aCgiZ">$7,000 per scooter</a> for low-life <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1053/533527913_d3f3a5a1ff_o.jpg">jerkfucks</a> to shamelessly ride around town clogging up <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1173/532812014_0af72fcb46_o.jpg">sidewalks</a>, <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1421/532912327_a7050aeed4_o.jpg">Wal-Marts</a> and <a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1389/532819210_2a7b6337fd_b.jpg">buses</a>, all the while frontin' like they're regular citizens driving around their <a href="http://farm1.static.flickr.com/37/102545707_af1fc321ea.jpg">prefered vehicle of choice</a><br /><br />then yes, you deserve a moment in the spotlight.<br /><a href="http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1219/533549767_46b5b315fb_o.jpg">Fuck off, I've got work to do.</a>Zero Iscariothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07194694045634573076noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8410823873807201594.post-52535470384683620692007-05-21T02:02:00.000-05:002007-06-07T17:24:44.623-05:00welcome race fans...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RlFUYUAWnnI/AAAAAAAAAAc/oq7NGkUDN9o/s1600-h/studdedcart.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_iVOyfrUrCRI/RlFUYUAWnnI/AAAAAAAAAAc/oq7NGkUDN9o/s400/studdedcart.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5066923832432303730" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br />This, like all <a href="http://members.dslextreme.com/users/markpoyser/uggabugga/2003/mission-accomplished-thanksgiving.jpg"><span style="">great journeys</span></a>, starts with a single step. Unfortunately, you'd be hard pressed to find anyone taking a single step here.<br /><br />Surely, someday you'll find yourself at a point in your life where you must decide whether it is worth trying anymore. This is usually called age 29, the answer is probably no and you should <a href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/1452/2881/1600/suicide-instruction.jpg">consider offing yourself</a>, preferably not in public. However, if you are too chicken-shit to make a mess of your brother Bill's garden shed where you've been sleeping for the past 9 weeks <a href="http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/HowTo:Cut_Your_Own_Head_Off_With_a_Chainsaw">(right under those oh-so-<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">conveniently</span> sharpened hedge shears)</a>, then I suggest you read on because you're gonna need an excuse to keep on living, and luckily for you I have just the thing that'll help put everything in to perspective.<br /><br />Like most of you, I am a lazy piece of shit. Now I won't get all <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_deadly_sins">seven deadly sins</a> on ya, but to keep it short and sweet, sloth is my favorite of the seven, and the creative force behind this blog. Sloth is not a habit or a learned trait, sloth is an evolution, a journey of sorts... and despite what I said earlier about all great journeys starting with a single step, the fact is, on this journey you're gonna need a ride. That is why God created <a href="http://www.canadascooters.net/">personal mobility scooters</a> (PMS for short), and why our government will happily help you offset the cost of <a href="http://www.scooteringusa.com/olivervespa.jpg">personal freedom</a> through subsidies.<br /><br />I won't get into the details just yet, but suffice it to say that I will attempt to entertain that incessant need for inflating your self-worth at the expense of <a href="http://maps.google.ca/maps?t=k&om=1&msa=0&msid=103803707987175138418.00000112ff48a22ef0102&amp;ie=UTF8&ll=43.259597,-79.872108&spn=0.008657,0.020084&z=16">my local carting community</a> with the hope that you won't end up offing yourself in Bill's shed even though it would technically lessen the economic burden on taxpayers in <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hell">your community</a>. I'm talking daily posts chock full of interviews with PMS <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">riderz</span>, biographies of your favourite PMS superstars, candid photos, exclusive videos, contests, reader interaction, and ultimately.... a full fledged PMS cart racing championship.<br /><br />I've said too much. Enjoy your delicate reality while you still can...<br /><br />Cart Life is just getting <span style="font-style: italic;">rolling.<br /><br /></span>Zero Iscariothttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07194694045634573076noreply@blogger.com4